I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
