Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
