Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
