Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
