Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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