sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
