he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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