Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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