And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
