why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
