Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
