Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My ass is underappreciated
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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