i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
