I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
