Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
