I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize