my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
