ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
