Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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