Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
