Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
