It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
