are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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