Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize