Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
