man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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