Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
