I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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