We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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