i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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