You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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