Redeem this text for a blowjob
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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