it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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