I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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