i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
