I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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