Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
and you fell through a lawn chair
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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