Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize