We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
