Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
