did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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