i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just found a bag of teeth...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
