sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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