Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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