I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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