Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How does one acquire holy water?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
