to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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