It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
