Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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