all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
