yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
