my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
