This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
