I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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