i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
