i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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