I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
