his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How does one acquire holy water?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
