I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
