its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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