You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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