I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
