And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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