I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
