Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
