you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize