Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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