Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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