A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
