Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
