I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
