If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
