Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
