So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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