She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Shame - the story of my life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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