I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i drank out of a bidet.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
