i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Found your dick twin last night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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