It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
