then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
