I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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