i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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