I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize