He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the raccoons are back...
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