I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
