I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
