We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize