I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
