just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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