in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
they need to just BURY HIM!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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