we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
