if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You were trust falling into bushes
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
