I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
