The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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