she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
