Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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