I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
