I'm lost and stupid without you.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
