So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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