It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
