"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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