Well douche your snatch and let's go!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
