Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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