i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
