What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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