i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
