If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
