oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
