Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
