My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
