so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
